Ah, the holidays: the time of year filled with family gatherings, delicious food and...triggers from childhood trauma. While the holidays can be filled with great memories for many, it can also be riddled with anxiety, stress, and emotional challenges. It can be challenging to navigate the holiday season in a way that prioritizes our mental health and boundaries, but I'm here to tell you that it's possible!
If you grew up in a home with emotionally immature parents, you probably weren't taught how to assert your needs, regulate your emotions, and set healthy boundaries. In fact, you were probably taught, maybe even on a subconcsious level, that asserting your needs and setting boundaries makes you "selfish". Learning these tools as an adult can take a lot of practice, and sometimes it will feel like you're pushing against the grain of how you've been taught to act and respond (because you are), but you deserve to have a holiday you genuinely enjoy.
The only way to have healthy relationships with others is through boundaries. This includes boundaries with our partners or spouses! Boundaries aren't necessarily for the other person; they're for you. They protect you, and they help you show up in relationships authentically.
In this post, we're going to explore a few practical tips to navgiating the holiday season in a way that supports your mental health. Save this post for later if you want to give it a quick read-over before you enter your holiday gathering!
Understanding Holiday Stressors
Holiday stressors look different for everyone, but we're going to take a look at the few most common holiday stressors people encounter during this time of year:
Emotional Triggers
This is typically the biggest holiday stressor. Unresolved conflict, childhood trauma, and family dynamics can cause emotional triggers that send us into emotional flashbacks, which is when our body experiences a physiological response related to the emotional trigger that reminds our body of a time in childhood when we were in fight or flight mode.
When someone we love passes away, experiencing the holidays without that person can feel like we're walking around with a gaping wound. It's very normal to feel emotionally triggered on the holidays after losing someone we love.
Logistical Pressures
With the holidays comes pressure to engage in gift-giving, which can come with financial obligations and pressure.
People also feel pressure to host holiday gatherings in their home, or even provide overnight accommodations for family members, which come with supplying people's meals during their stay.
The holidays are filled with parties, gatherings, gift exchanges, and a lot of events that make it challenging to say "no" to. People tend to overcommit during the holiday season.
Cultural & Societal Expectations
Media plays a big role in how society is portrayed when celebraing the holidays. We might feel like our home, gifts, and food need to live up to societal expectations during the holidays.
Holidays typically come with family traditions, and if we've evolved past certain traditions, we might still feel pressured in continuing them because these traditions have been apart of our family for years.
The Role of Boundaries in Protecting Mental Health
Boundaries are the personal limits we set to protect our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. They define how we want to be treated, how much time or energy we're willing to give, and what we're comfortable with in different areas of our lives. Boundaries are essential in every relationship. They help us have healthy relationships with our parents, our friends, our siblings, our coworkers, and our partners. Boundaries are not selfish. Boundaries show that you respect yourself.
Let's take a look at some specific holiday-centered boundaries. Consider using these as an option this season!
Saying "no" to events or commitments that feel overwhelming
Managing time to ensure self-care and rest
Creating and establishing rules for topics of conversations (ex: avoiding politics, religion, or personal life information)
Practical Tips for Maintaining Mental Health
Prioritize Self-Care
It can be easy to fall out of routine, especially during dreary, winter months, but maintaining a self-care routine around the holiday season is super beneficial! Remember to exercise regularly, eat well-balanced meals (enjoying the treats too, of course), and ensure you're getting quality sleep at night.
Carve time out of your day, even at the holiday gathering, for solitude or relaxation. This could even look like locking yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes while you take some deep breaths or listen to a meditation. Also, naps are absolutely acceptable at all times, but especially during the holidays!
Mindful Socializing
This time of year brings a lot of people out of the wood work, and you might feel pressured to socialize with people you only talk to once a year. During your interactions with others, remember: quality over quantity. If you want to show up as authentically as possible in your relationships with others, being mindful about who you're socializing with can help you maintain awareness of your social battery.
Schedule some downtime before and after gatherings. This helps your social battery recharge and can regulate your nervous system before more interactions with others.
Managing Expectations
Set realistic goals for the holiday season. Maybe it's not realistic that you pack your kids up in the car on Christmas morning and drive to your parents house. Or maybe it's not realistic that everyone in the family gathers on Christmas day, and instead it makes more sense to have a family holiday celebration the week before or after Christmas.
Communicate what you need with your family. Be honest about your expectations and what you are or are not willing to do.
Gratitude Practices
The holidays can be a beautiful time to reflect on the life we're living and the people we love. Remember to take some time to express gratitude, whether in a journal, to someone, or while meditating, of your life and the genuine joy to be found in little moments.
Conclusion
The holidays should be a time of joy and connection, not stress and obligation. While making plans or entering into conversations with people this holiday season, a good question to keep in mind would be:
Does this bring me joy and connection, or stress and a sense of obligation?
It's okay to prioritize your well-being and mental health. You get to decide how you embrace the holidays on your terms.
And from all of us at Root Counseling, we wish you a wonderful holiday season filled with love, self-care, and boundaries.
At Root Counseling, we help clients create boundaries that give them permission to show up as their authentic self in relationships. To schedule a session with one of our therapists, you can visit us here.
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